this really is a pisstake.

I just dont understand how you can be like this! since when have you been like this towards me?! All because he's in the picture everything changes and you're a whole another person.

they way your being makes me sick to my stomach, you call this happiness. its all delusional. why can't you see whats right or wrong thats right infront of you. The sound of the voice that angers me so. and you know it does. yet you do nothing to stop it. 'what can i do'. the same old excuses.

just for the slightest piece of freedom I need to wait 12 days. Why did you have to go for so long, you're the only one who kept me sane from this shitty situation. But everything is going to change. and you're going to leave. and ill have no one to turn to.

this whole thing just pisses me of. they may say let it go, but you got to be angry so why cant i be too.

i want to get away from this. im not speaking suicidal i mean thats just ridiculous but this needs to go away.

Why cant i just get rid of this anger?!

why is it so hard to let go..

CHANGE

WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 everythings changing! kinda scary! i mean my mother acutally said i have to grow up now :| is she freaking kidding me?!

 i mean first of all my sisters getting married, i mean okay whatever i know i have to clean more but yeah (asian thing) next thing you know BAM! next year my brothers getting married i mean woaaaaah! MIND FUCK. its flipping crazy, but on the plus side i get a freaking sister in law! weirdddddddd! so, thought id blog that on the courtesy of my soul mate. Cory.

CHOWDER.

blahhhh emotions.

Blog.


I'm hurt and it's not okay. it's hard to forgive something that has nothing good about it. growing up with this hatred around me seems normal but when it comes to forgiving and forgetting I don't understand how it can be done so easily. the weight on my chest gets heavier and taking a deep breath just isn't easy anyone. you don't get the relief you hope for. why is it so easy for others to forgive, don't they feel the same hatred as I do considering it's come from them. can love really overpower it? I just don't feel that anymore. any shred of it has been distorted by disappointment and failure. 

they say money cant buy happiness. yet when it's taken from so you brutally and your left with nothing and still they never learn from their mistakes I don't know how they can live with that.  it's like living with a fish you'll feed and sometimes clean it but it has no importance and is not necessary and you waste money and time on it then what's the point?! how can the love be there when you've been hurt so badly? 

thoughts from CHOWDER

Disappointment

Disappointment- The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations


It's scary giving someone your trust knowing that doing this could cause nothing but sadness for you. i longed for this day and yes i was disappointed. 


Having you're hopes up is like a game of Russian roulette.


 you have you really trust to find the outcome. It really is a pisstake,  i mean you feel like a total idiot. the anger just stays with you without you even knowing until one day it's burst. Burst at the most wrong time and then and only then will the weight on your chest will finally disappear. 


knowing that you can't trust them makes you think whether your respect or even love for them really exist. They could leave you with nothing and not even look back, there's always a risk. 


Chowder.  

Immmm baaaack!....Again.

So i haven't been blogging for a while

 my super cool friend Ana Mariaa told me i should, she was craving my posts i guess ;) Well anyway i back and hopefully will be blogging more, its funny when i feel down or im quiet (which isnt often) i tend to wanna blog. 

Today has been okay i guess, kinda disappointing but just for the sake of it, ill talk about that in another post, give you guys a little more to read ;) sad yes. do i care no. 

I know my background is horrendously weird but i seriously love it. I'm the freaky Asian and the other half of my life in Cory. She is a WONDERFUL human being. Let's just say she entertaining in many ways. We have a love/hate rela-oh i mean friendship... HA! Its not homo just a whole lotta lovinnnn. ;D 

So i hope my 4 followers (THE AMOUNT IS SO LAME BUT I APPRECIATE YOU GUYS!) enjoy my posts and helpfully they come frequently!

Byebye for now. 

CHOWDER. 

b-b-b-b-blog! s-s-s-shakeeee- SHUT UP

right so i have not blogged in a while due to me being sick! it's soooooooooooooooooooooo annoying! like REALLLLY annoying! did i mention it was annoying? well anyway the sun's been comming out! who  would of knew we had one in england? xD

So if any of you have seen the 'shake it up' show maaaaaaaaybe you'll have the same opinion as me?
i don't even have the words to describe them! They are annoying, though their clothes are like SUPER but their really....DITSY? it's irritatiing!



 give an opinion!

unusual emotions - a opinion

you never realy know why you feel this way, some just say its one of those days but how long or how many can you have. I wouldnt say it was a sort of depression but it certainly shouldnt be like this. Now people describe emotions in many different ways but the way i would explain it would be keeping it simple and make it sound like one of those annoying or really loved films.

sometimes i feel empty inside, its as if theres a void and it needs to be filled with something i dont even know. unknown emotions can be worried about but figured out right could end in you feeling whole again.

sometimes you just need to put down words even if they dont make sense but just to atempt to figure out or even have an idea of whats wrong.

now this post is no depression crap just a few words typed out! leave an opinion.